So we started talking in broad terms about the budget once he starts working.

My position: he will take home enough to cover basics, plus the outrageous amount we are going to be spending in gas. I then want to use the leftover to build up a BEF, build up a stockpile to pay off a debt, then repeat until everything is paid off, then revisit.

His position: the company matches 100% up to 10% in a 401(k), so let’s do the 401(k) as soon as he qualifies (which I think is 90 days). His motivation is NOT we depended on that $ when we lost the recent job (I could understand that reasoning), his reasoning is, IT’S FREE MONEY…and he doesn’t want to walk away from free money.

Mind you: his plan means NO money for gas, or money for gas and we are never current on ANYTHING. If taxes work out the way I think they will, after covering expenses we will have $230 A MONTH for food, unplanned events, paying off debt.

Yes, we still have an income problem not a debt problem, so I’m going to really have to up my plan to bring in more income. But even when I do, in my opinion, working so he can do a 401k is really pointless. All my income will be doing is covering basics then, rather than getting us out of debt.

So here’s my real question. I was SO MAD that he would not be on the same get out of debt page, that I couldn’t even talk about it. How do I have a conversation? (other than emailing him a version of this email, including numbers, which I’m probably going to do…at least it will be out there)

I have to tell you, when you talked the last time about the job offer that had been extended, and we all sorta barked at you for him not accepting it, and then you came back and reminded us that it was a 75 mile a day commute, I sorta did a second-take on that one. We’ve had that conversation here, more than once, because the only professional work I could have gotten after being laid off, was about that far away. I couldn’t see how I could possibly continue to run the house and the farm AND stay sane, with that kind of commute. We’ve really had to suck it up to keep the costs down without that second pro-level income. And now with this “where did the money go” recent hiccup, I’ve been finding myself once again wondering if that commute might actually be worth it. Each day I start off with the thought “no, it would unravel everything we’ve done here”. Each night after another day of trying to balance the books and squeeze a few more pennies out of the wallet, I think “maybe???” It really is a hard call sometimes, deciding whether to cultivate well-paying-but-distant jobs, vs lower-paying-but-more-more-humane jobs. So kudo’s to you and your DH that you’ve found something quite a bit closer, and better paying. That’s awesome. Very, very good news.